Is it really three months since I last sat down to write a diary entry?
Reflecting on my last entry, it reminds me that the journey of mental health recovery is a long one with ups and downs along the way.
In the run up to Christmas during December I attended evenings out for the first time in probably ten years, attending a works evening Christmas outing to see a tribute band at The Goodyear and another couple of meals out at local pubs with various groups I now belong to. Christmas Day lunch was wonderful with my family, and it was lovely sharing such a special occasion with those closest to me!
But then…
From Boxing Day onwards, I dwelt on the negatives, and I don’t know why, although I must admit that I enjoy watching Christmas films where couples find happiness at such a special time of year! After watching of course, I realise it’s not realistic but that doesn’t seem to matter as I went out at Christmas, and I only noticed other happy couples enjoying their time together.
West Bromwich Albion were doing badly in the Championship and a change of manager was imminent! Matches were shown on Sky regularly, further compounding the plight of my team. But on a positive, my Fantasy Football team are doing better now that I understand the rules!
So, the new year started with me in the doldrums, feeling a little sorry for myself and watching too many films where couples find love and romance. It was like Groundhog Day, I seemed to be repeating 2020 over again.
But this time it’s different, I have the support of Head 4 Health team, all cohort members, and friends I have made whilst attending Head 4 Health.
Thankfully, my mental health didn’t suffer as much as it did in 2020 because I was confident to discuss issues with others, although this didn’t happen immediately, but it happened!
And then, Matt offered me the chance of one-to-one counselling sessions with Serenity and that was the catalyst for supporting and strengthening my mental health. I was offered six sessions and was fortunate to have Gemma as my counsellor. I must admit I was nervous, apprehensive, and scared prior to my first session!!
But none of that was necessary as she made me feel so comfortable and within minutes we were chatting and discussing my concerns. During the six sessions I faced issues that I had “brushed under the carpet” and developed strategies to cope with feelings/thoughts/issues that were troubling me. It’s not always easy or comfortable sharing thoughts, feelings, and memories especially when they are negative or upsetting but hiding them away and ignoring them is far worse. They will fester within!
In January, I was asked to participate in an initiative to promote awareness of Head 4 Health, a photo opportunity at The Molineux for advertising on public transport and billboards. I accepted but felt I was a fraud because of how I was feeling at the time and that I failed my mentors at Head 4 Health when they though that I was doing better than I was. Smiles and joking around was being harder to do to disguise how low I was feeling but they could see through it and supported me with kind words and advice. Thankfully this was the same day as my counselling started and additional support for me as I mentioned above.
This current lovely weather has been marvellous for me, it has made me feel better although work commitments have meant I attend the walk and talk sessions less frequently. The Tuesday afternoon meeting at The Molineux has been useful for me. If I cannot attend the drop-in session on Wednesday evenings, I try to attend then as I find our mentors and cohort members in attendance supportive. Reminds me that I am not alone irrespective of how I feel!
I was really looking forward to our Head 4 Health activity at Kingswood last Saturday and it didn’t disappoint. They were some brilliant activities like archery, buggy building, climbing and the zipwire – it was a great time for all involved with Head 4 Health and a chance for us all to meet up!
So, reflect on the positives and build upon them!
Fletch
