Christmas is traditionally a time for looking back and reflecting on the events of the last 12 months, and the Wolves' dressing room is no exception.
Any football dressing room can be an unforgiving place when it comes to the banter and anecdotes on offer - and one small slip is never ever forgotten!
Wolves keeper Matt Murray is always keen to keep abreast of all the latest news and views from within the squad, and is always on top of any players who let their guard down.
So forget X-Factor, Rage Against The Machine and the battle for the Christmas Number One - here's Matt's Top Ten of Tall Tales as the keeper quotes the previously unquotable.
As a further treat for subscribers to Wolves Player, they can now see Matt delivering his lines exclusively from the dressing room at the Compton training ground. There's also a free preview for everyone on the right hand side of the screen.
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NUMBER TEN: THROWING SOME SHAPES
We used to have a goalkeeper in the Academy called Billy Lumley, who's just joined Northampton. One day he the team were in trouble and Billy told us the coach had got them in a "round circle". A round circle! Do they have any other types of circle Billy? Then there's Nathan Rooney, the captain of the Academy team now. He told me the other weekend that they'd won their game 2-1 and that he'd scored one of the goals. Stuck it away in the "middle corner" apparently. The middle corner?! What's all that about?!
NUMBER NINE: A DATE FOR CHRISTMAS?
There was a bit of talk a few weeks ago about what day Christmas Day would fall on this year. Whether it would be Wednesday, Thursday or Friday - you know the thing. Well our masseur Mark James then chipped in with the gem of: "I think you'll find it's December 25th!" He's an intelligent chap and I think he suddenly realised what he'd done. It's been noted Mark, the boys are onto you. And don't think you can get out of it by saying you were joking.
NUMBER EIGHT: LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE GIRLS
I think the players' wives and girlfriends have to come into the top ten as well. The 'WAGS' if you want to call them that. We'll protect their identity though to spare any embarrassment! One of the lads came in the other day and told us we wouldn't believe the story about his missus from the previous night. She'd been ironing one of his shirts and had seen the badge and said: "You know you're called Wolves? Well is this badge a dog's head or a fox?" The player concerned thought she was trying to trick him and said: "Are you for real?" "Yes," she replied. "Well don't be silly," he said. "It's a fox of course!"
Then there was the time another of the boys got him and his missus was trying to cook something, 'Rocky Road' I think it was called.
She was melting the chocolate and part of the ingredients was popcorn.
Anyway, he comes home to a cloud of smoke in the kitchen and it didn't smell too good so he asked what was going on.
She said she was cooking this Rocky Road dessert, but the popcorn just wouldn't pop.
The pan was getting blacker and blacker and the lad just had to point out that it was ready made popcorn and certainly wasn't going to pop in the pan!
It's fair to say things didn't turn out too good.
Then there's the story from a member of the backroom staff who was out with his wife looking for a present for someone.
They thought about getting a plant for the garden, and were trying to decide between a lemon tree or a lime tree.
The wife then spotted this tree and came up with a great idea - why don't we get both?
Turns out one tree had some lemons that were ripened and some that hadn't that were still green.
She thought she'd stumbled on the first ever lemon and lime tree which would have been a great invention!
I'm afraid my missus has to get in this one as well.
Not so long ago I was travelling up to Glasgow to watch an Old Firm game and she came on the phone to see how much longer I'd got left to drive.
Well I was going at about 70 miles an hour and had just passed a sign saying 140 miles for Glasgow so I told her that if I kept going at this average then I'd been there in two hours.
"No you won't," she replied. "If you're averaging 70 then you're only really going at 50 so it will take you a lot longer than that!"
She just couldn't seem to grasp the law of averages!
Anyway, I was explaining this in the treatment and all of a sudden our former midfielder Matt Bailey piped up with: "No, she's right."
It was a simple enough bit of maths, but poor old 'Bails' just couldn't handle it.
NUMBER SEVEN: WARDY, HE'S BEHIND YOU….
We're right in panto season now which reminds me of another recent story.
A few years ago I remember going down to do a pic at the Grand Theatre for the Snow White and Seven Dwarfs pantomime.
I had a photo done with one of the dwarfs and I was just discussing it with the lads the other day.
All of a sudden Stephen Ward says to me, "Hey Matty, what show was that then?"
I have to say Wardy, I'm not sure which other pantomimes have got seven dwarfs in pal.
NUMBER SIX: HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE IRISHMAN?
Andy Keogh could have his own section in this top ten.
Unfortunately he's recently picked up an ankle injury and he was driving down to London to see the specialist with Dave Edwards and physio Alan Peacham.
They weren't too far away when Keogh says to the other two: "Did your ears just pop? We must have been going over the Pennines!"
And this from a man who used to play in Yorkshire for Leeds and Scunthorpe so you'd think he'd know a bit about that neck of the woods.
Then in the treatment room recently he was on about playing a game to make a bit of entertainment.
He wanted us all to draw names out of a hat and not let people know who we were - it could be called the "ominous" Santa.
I think you meant "anonymous".
He's got his own dictionary Keogh, with his own little sayings as well.
"He who wins, dares" has got to be a personal favourite of mine.
There are other lads as well though.
Kights likes to "test" fate rather than "tempt" fate while when Jay Bothroyd was here he was forever telling us to invest in "bricks and water".
And our young player Kyle Bennett will happily admit to not being the "brightest tool in the tool box."
NUMBER FIVE: STEARS TURNS ROBIN HOOD
Stears went over on his ankle in training earlier this season and missed a few games with it.
The Doc came in to give him a scan and all that, and he came back through to the dressing room to tell us the extent of the injury.
"The Doc says I've nicked an archery," said Stears.
I don't know if he's got a bow and arrow in his leg but I think the word is artery Stears!
NUMBER FOUR: FOOD FOR THOUGHT
A few of the boys like their soul food, a bit of fried chicken or jerk chicken from the Caribbean takeaway not far from the ground.
The one day someone had a bit of curried goat.
Well Kevin Foley just couldn't handle this.
"How do they cook that then? Do you cook the goat and it tastes like curry""
Yes Foles of course, it comes from a field and you cook it and it automatically tastes of curry.
I'm not too sure Foles knows a great deal of seasoning and flavouring!
Foles you're certainly a special one pal!
NUMBER THREE: THE NEED FOR SPEED
The lads played Manchester City earlier in the season and Emmanuel Adebayor scored the only goal of the game.
There was some talk a few days later of how he'd really shown a good turn of pace to get away from one of our defenders with the lads saying they hadn't really realised how quick he was.
"He's not that quick," said Keogh.
"He's the same speed as me, he's just got longer legs so he gets there quicker!"
Keogh you really are the most special. There could be a top 20 of these all to yourself!
NUMBER TWO: A-B-C…AS EASY AS 1-2-3
The lads held their Christmas 'do' earlier in the month and all had to dress up as superheroes.
It was a case of drawing out a letter from the alphabet and then dressing up as a hero beginning with that letter - for example say He-Man for 'H'.
Well Kights was trying to work out if there would be enough different letters for everyone in the squad.
So he started going through the letters of the alphabet and counting them!
The lads weren't too sure why Kights needed to count to work out how many letters there were in the alphabet!
Sorry mate, that gets you straight into the top ten!
NUMBER ONE: HORSES FOR COURSES
Here we go then, my Christmas number one.
I only heard about this one second hand but the player in question has never denied it.
It goes back to the Barnsley away game back in April when the team were crowned champions.
After Kyel Reid had equalised for us the fans piled onto the pitch and then again at the end of the game.
The Police had to come on with their horses just to keep the fans separated and the players had to dash off the pitch pretty quickly.
Anyway, apparently Wardy dashed into the dressing room amid all the chaos and came out with this great observation.
"Did you see those police horses? They're ANIMALS!"
Well done Wardy, I think you'll find that they are! And congratulations on scooping Christmas number one!
